“We are concerned with regard to Mr. Doyle’s behavior.”
“But, last week you said he was getting better. I don’t understand.”
“Well, Mrs. Doyle, the psychosis is unstable. You know that this is not the first time he has regressed.”
“But you said that he was getting better! That you thought—”
“I know what I said Mrs. Doyle, but these things are unpredictable and temperamental. Please, he just needs more time and observation. Now, if there isn’t anything more I can assist you with, I have other patients that I must attend to.”
“Wait… Wait, Doctor Dryden!”
“Mrs. Doyle, I really think you ought to come back next week and—”
“Please, doctor, can I see Richard?”
“That may not be such a good idea…”
“Please, doctor, he is my husband. Just for a minute.”
“Well, maybe just a minute. Follow me. Okay, look, I’m going to stand outside the door by the window so that if something happens—”
“Okay, okay, I understand.”
“Richard?”
“Juliette?”
“Richard? It’s Margaret. Richard, can you hear me?”
“I told you not to do that Julie. I told you!”
“Calm down, just calm down Richie. I’m sorry.”
“This doesn’t look good. Nurse! Can I get a nurse over here?”
“Oh stop apologizing. You know he doesn’t like that so stop doing it!”
“Okay, Richard. Alright, I’ll stop.”
“What is he doing sir?”
“He’s hallucinating. She needs to leave before he becomes violent again.”
“TOMMY! Juliette, what have you done?!”
“Richard! What are you doing? Calm down.”
“Get in there now, now! Restrain him!”
“No, wait, I’m not done! Richard!”
“I TOLD you not to! Julie!”
“Mrs. Doyle! It’s over. Please.”
“Who are Juliette and Tommy?”
“His first wife and their son. She killed herself from grief when he drowned. Learning to swim.”
To give characters distinctive voices, I really put myself into the role of each character before writing their lines. I needed to figure out who they were as characters first, but after that, it was easy. I discovered my characters and the backstories and then put myself in those roles. Also, I thought pretty hard about what people would really say, realistically.
ReplyDeleteGood work! Because of the necessary pauses for movement and the suggested positioning of the characters, you might think about using space to "illustrate" different locations, the passing of time, etc. Otherwise, everything appears and reads as continuous. This might also clear up some confusion in the final third about who's speaking. The last line feels a bit heavy, an explanation meant for us readers. Maybe earlier, when Richard and Margaret are just saying each others' names, their dialogue, particularly Richard's, can do more to reveal a few telling details of this past.
ReplyDelete