"No no, it looks sort of reproductiony Gregory! Like a kind of stick that goes in a socket!"
"Pbbt."
"Look, I know you took it. You can't hide it from me. We can't stop this damn train without it!"
"Gwah!"
"Look you; Marie is out there with the Khan's amulet-thingy, and she's with that communist bastard doing who knows what! If we're going to find Shangri-la before sundown, I don't have time to play your little games!"
"Puh!"
"Very mature Gregory. Help me find it! And no slobbering this time!"
"Ook! Ook!"
"No no no! give it to me, don't put it in your mouth! Who knows where that's been!"
"Excuse me, Mr. Davis?"
"Howard! I thought we lost you during that crazy shootout! Gregory, stop defecating on the damn floor!"
"N-no sir, I was just shot in the leg. I believe I need medical attenti-"
"That's wonderful. Gregory..."
"M-Mr. Davis, I don't believe this expedition is working ou-"
"Shut it Howard! I'm getting sick of yours and Gregory's back-talk! I really don't understand why Marie left me of all people for that one-eyed Russian asshole!"
"Well sir, he is a brilliant scholar of ancient-"
"Shut the fuck up Howard! Here we are in godforsaken Tibet, and my only friends are a limp-dicked schoolboy and a goddamn monkey that believes he's a comedian! I mean, last month Thomas Wright was eaten by crocodiles. In '42 I saw him take on twenty Nazis! Adventuring used to be a safe career, with lots of whores and booze and treasure. Now the only girl who looks like a good lay is gone-"
"Sir, Gregory is technically an Orangutan.."
"We're freezing our asses off and no one seems to give a shit where we are!"
"Ook."
"Except you Gregory."
So, for some reason I was thinking about old romantic adventure stories and how the heroes were always huge assholes. So I decided to write one of those Indiana Jones types having a big pissy breakdown to his young sidekick and monkey. Because that's just how I do dialogue.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's wacky, and certainly verges on slapstick. What maybe holds it back are the interesting suggestions of a wider, conspiracy-filled world. The circular whining of the "hero" keeps the piece from progressing too far with these possibilities. In a revision, I could see the piece becoming less about the complaints, and maybe more of a metacritique of the genre its spoofing.
ReplyDelete