“We’re hurting because of the decisions we’ve had to make. John, get that out of your mouth.”
“Decisions we’ve made? You haven’t—John! What did your father just tell you?—You haven’t taken a moment to discuss this scheme with anyone.”
“Please, Ellen, it’s nearly midnight.”
“I want to go home, Jason. Where are we going? You haven’t explained a word of it since we got on this train.”
“I’m tired.”
“Oh? Are you? Well let me massage your feet and get you some chamomile tea. Here, I’ll watch John all night so you can sleep!”
“Can you shut up?”
“Shut up! Who comes home at ten o’clock, packs up his wife and kid and hops a train? Who would uproot his entire life without a word? I suppose you want me to be more like you! But I’m not going to be quiet until I understand—No, no, John. Quiet down, mother’s got you.”
“I shouldn’t have brought you. I’m so sorry.”
“Would you have come back? No, tell me the truth.”
“I couldn’t have returned, even if I wanted to.”
“They found out?”
“How—You weren’t supposed to know.”
“I’m your wife, Jay. I know.”
“When they found the mine, t hey—they weren’t pleased. Beat me a bit. God, I was terrified they’d burn down the house before I could get to you.”
“… John’s asleep, finally. Poor boy.”
“He’s been brave. Both of you have. I should have told you earlier, Ellen… Now, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”
“I c-can’t help it. I’m so, s-so exhausted.”
“Here—Lean on my shoulder. There. … We’ll be okay.”
“… So you finally found some gold, I guess.”
“Yeah. Lot of good it did. I was going to use it to pay off our debts. We were going to have a new start.”
“It worked, you know. Not in the way we wanted, but we have a new beginning.”
I feel so-so about this. It was difficult because beginning with a line instead of a scene or characters forces you to build a world around that line. It took me a bit before I understood what was going on. I was hoping not to write an argument, because arguments are one of the easiest things to do in dialogue, but it turned into a fight anyway... So there you have it.
ReplyDeleteGood observations of your process, Alyssa. I think you do a nice job anyway of trying to get away from just the back-and-forth of argument, producing some additional complexity with the mine business. This raises questions, too, as the piece seems contemporary, but the idea of paying debts with gold seems strangely archaic. I wonder, too, how necessary John is as a character, what more he might add. Still, there's a definite difference between the voices and we might imagine overhearing this from our adjoining compartment.
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