Wednesday, September 8, 2010

What They Never Tell You

Name: Brian Frick

Age: 33

Gender: Male

Race: White and unapologetic

Religion: Non Practicing

About Me: Well, there ain’t much to say about me. I’m just a good ol’ boy. Go dawgs!

What’s Really About Me: Well, I drowned my sister when I was three and spent several years in psychological evaluation. Coasted through school, playing sports then quitting because I wanted to sleep. Never wrote a paper in my life, and I still don’t know what’s inside of a book. Oh, and I raped a girl by the age of 17, though I don’t remember most of it. Though I do remember me telling myself that she was asking for it. I spent a few years dropping in and out of colleges, mainly attending for the crazy parties, cheap booze and loose girls. After that, I got a job, and I dealt coke on the side to pay for a big screen T.V. and a home entertainment system. I got a habit, and then I kicked a habit and found God for a month. I don’t know where the hell he went off to. Got a few promotions, slept with the boss’ wife. Didn’t freak out about Y2K that much. Never really understood computers all that well. A condom broke and I ended up with a pissed off wife and a kid that wouldn’t stop screaming. Goddamn it I hate that boy. Got a divorce and dropped the kid off with his mom, then got fired because I always showed up late. Got convinced that this social networking bullshit will help me pick up a few more girls along the way. Oh yeah, and I really enjoy the Georgia Bulldogs.

College:

Penn State 1995-1996

Northwest 1997-1999

Job: Unemployed

Friends: 218

Would you like to add Brian as a friend?

2 comments:

  1. So, the facebook profile is kind of an "out of ideas" cop-out, I know. However, i've seen so many damn profiles with these horrible people that really have some baggage to hide, and since Facebook is this magical thing where apparently you can know all about someone by their profile, I explored this a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha! I wonder who these horrible people are. Yeesh. Well, I don't know, I think it's an interesting experiment nevertheless. Maybe, though, your outrage regarding the "horrible people" kind of got the better of you, so the character defined here is pretty much a type, even stereotype, rather than a complex dude. I know that wasn't the point, but complex dudes make better reading in the end. The middle bit about finding God starts to go in an interesting, unexpected direction, and the elliptical qualities of the Y2K and condom stuff are good too.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.