- It’s a topic of intense scrutiny at the moment.
- Really? Is that really how you’re going to talk about this?
- Well what other way am I supposed to talk about it? Do you want me to talk about my feelings? Would that be better?
- Damn it Kev. Don’t be like this. I just need to know how she’s doing, what you’re doing for her and maybe, yeah, how you do feel.
- Well she’s fine Liv. It’s not like you would know though.
- I know you’re angry with me. But that’s not the point is it?
- Fine. Fine. She’s hooked up to all these machines… all these tubes. She’s… she’s not even a color anymore. Just… gray.
- Gray?
- It’s not good. Everyone is angry at you Liv, not just me. Why aren’t you here?
- I just… can’t. Not after… everything… I can’t even think about facing your family.
- This isn’t about my family. This is about my daughter, our daughter. She’s fucking dying Olivia.
- I’m sorry.
- You’re always sorry. Sorry and selfish.
- Right. – I deserve that. – So are you going to do it? I’ll come if you are.
- I can’t do it. I just… can’t. How can I be responsible for that?
- She’s not coming back Kev. She isn’t even the Grace you knew anymore.
- It’s still a topic of intense scrutiny. And you didn’t know her at all, so don’t start with me.
- You’re not gonna do it, are you? Maybe I should come.
- Don’t. It’s obviously not important to you. I’ll let you know what I decide.
- So I don’t get a say?
- You lost your say a long time ago Liv.
- Please… please call again soon.
- Maybe. Look, I gotta go.
- Ok, bye. Kev, I… I still love you… and her.
- Right. Bye Olivia.
- Bye.
I guess I pictured a man saying the first line and went off of it from there. I don't *feel* like I have a difficult time with dialogue. I try to really hear the voices as I write (that makes me sound schizophrenic, which I'm totally not) and I find that helps my dialogue seem more authentic in a way.
ReplyDeleteGood. Yes, hearing those voices helps, doesn't it? And yes, I think overall your dialogue is good. Here, though, I think there are a few missed opportunities. One thing I wonder is if it's likely Kevin would use Olivia's name so much. This seems a little bit for our benefit, so we don't get confused, but I'm always clear about who's speaking. Beyond that, I think the exchange can move off the daughter onto a somewhat more direct confrontation, perhaps after "I deserve that." Their vagueness actually seems a little cold in these circumstances, when they should be more heated up.
ReplyDelete