Okay, I was actually kind of mad when I wrote this - one of my hugest pet peeves is when I see mothers bring their small children somewhere public and then punish them for acting like the children they are. I hate seeing a child made to feel ashamed for not knowing any better than what his parents have taught him (or in this case, her). Anyway, I hope that this will convey to the reader not only the absolute innocence - and the perfect beauty of that innocent, unblemished soul - but also the flaws that accompany the coming years, like shame and irritation and the fact that as we get older, we lose that childish urge to find joy in simple things.
Like it. In a piece this short, "guileless," while a great word, seems a bit outsize. A suggestively gesture might better serve the space, which we want, to some extent, to emphasize image over style. The swallowing dimples work in this way, and the word "twirls," short and evocative. And then the slap actually outweighs the scowl in terms of effectiveness. The dashes are effective, too, in keeping up aloft.
Okay, I was actually kind of mad when I wrote this - one of my hugest pet peeves is when I see mothers bring their small children somewhere public and then punish them for acting like the children they are. I hate seeing a child made to feel ashamed for not knowing any better than what his parents have taught him (or in this case, her). Anyway, I hope that this will convey to the reader not only the absolute innocence - and the perfect beauty of that innocent, unblemished soul - but also the flaws that accompany the coming years, like shame and irritation and the fact that as we get older, we lose that childish urge to find joy in simple things.
ReplyDeleteLike it. In a piece this short, "guileless," while a great word, seems a bit outsize. A suggestively gesture might better serve the space, which we want, to some extent, to emphasize image over style. The swallowing dimples work in this way, and the word "twirls," short and evocative. And then the slap actually outweighs the scowl in terms of effectiveness. The dashes are effective, too, in keeping up aloft.
ReplyDelete