Ray Dowry rubbed his mandatory download jack again, and H-NK saw this. He proceeded to dress and left his squat littered with wires, illegal. H-NK resumed video surveillance on the suspect droning, “Finally I will earn that carapace and software upgrade.”
Ray turned nervously, “I really should cut down.” He meandered down the sidewalk. “Was it worth it?” He pondered, “Of course.” He couldn’t resist the lust of the knowledge.
The secret procession continued until Ray reached his destination, The Electric Eel. One could call it an upgrade of Internet pornography of the earlier century; where now men pretty much experienced the actual sensations. Ray paid the entrance fee.
H-NK followed, hiding its badge. The bouncer looked at him and let him in, “Why can’t a robot have a false sense of pleasure?” He thought carelessly.
Ray headed for the back and avoided all the nude men plugged in, grins of ecstasy on each one's faces. Ray stared down beads which blocked the entrance and went through. Greasy-looking men sat around a terminal, eyes glazed over. A man with a bushy beard sat him on a cushion, “Welcome back man, you like Jacking-In?” Ray was silent and the bearded man jammed a frayed wire into Ray’s port. Thousands of bits of information passed through him in seconds, for example: Orwell, The Byzantine Empire, and How to Cook Goulash. The high was immediate, and suddenly he was omniscient.
H-NK entered the room silently, its recording device still functioning. It saw the culprit engaged in Jacking-In. It had the evidence it needed when suddenly a firm hand pressed a wire into its port, H-NK fell. Everyone connected to the terminal screamed and several had sparks erupting from their ports, some slumping over. H-NK and Ray saw the world melting together.
So mine was obviously "Attached to Technology and Paying a Price" so I went with the direct sci-fi route, being a Bradbury-head. The hardest parts to sacrifice were the details, as a futuristic city there is so much to go into. I realized that this is probably the middle of the story, so I would have explained a lot earlier. So it is all good. I wanted to combine two big things drugs and technology, and that's what I got.
ReplyDeleteNice job, Dane. I think you do a lot with the few details, even if we don't see more of the city, the site of the main event tells us a lot. One intersting problem here is that I'm unsure who the main character is. Is it Ray or H-NK? My tendency through most of it is to think it's Ray, but by the end I'm unsure. In this particular exercise, I think it's waise to choose one or the other. The one main character, then, becomes our conduit for all experience in the story and controls how we see the world. With two such different characters (two very different ways of seeing) the little we have becomes a bit muddled. Also, you provide yourself better coverage if you stick to one place instead of including even the brief walk at the beginning. Punch us right into the Electric Eel and get going from there.
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